It is no surprise that sex and dating make up a large part of the university experience, whether you are straight, queer or ace. University is the first time many people will experience freedom and discover more about themselves. For many queer people, university will not only be the first safe place for them to explore their sexuality, but also a place for them to find a community among other queer people. To navigate this space safely and successfully, here are a few tips on queer dating.
- Do not enter the dating scene unless you are comfortable with who you are.
Whether you are queer or straight, getting into a relationship when you do not know who you are can be an incredibly bad idea. But if you are ready to take that step, remember that honesty is always the best policy. Do not be afraid to tell your partner where you are on your journey. Boundaries are an important aspect of any kind of relationship, whether it be a friendship, situationship or a romantic relationship. Being in a relationship entails a lot more than cutesy dates and romantic getaways; your comfort as well as your partner’s need to be a priority. Relationships require a lot of mental energy to tackle tough conversations that will come up. Thus, making sure that you are in a good mental space will benefit both you and your potential partner(s).
- Be okay with rejection.
Finding a partner in today’s world as a queer person has its challenges, the big one being that straightness tends to be the assumption when meeting new people. For queer people, not only do they have to deal with rejection, but also the somewhat inevitable discomfort heterosexual people may feel after being approached by someone who is queer. But times are changing, and more and more straight people take it as a compliment and move on with their lives. So with this twofold problem, it becomes doubly necessary to be able to handle rejection. Being rejected does not mean that there is anything wrong with you. Take the rejection with a nod and an “okay”, then move on. The world is too big for you to be pining over someone who does not want you.
On the other side of this conversation, it is also important for you to learn to be the rejector. Just because another person is queer and you are vibing, it does not mean that you are required to date them if they express an interest in you. Do not dive into the dating scene headfirst if you are not ready, or if you are not attracted to the person asking you out. Be confident in expressing who you are and what you want. This is why number one is so important. Confidence in yourself translates into other areas of your life.
- Be educated!
While it is all good and well to have confidence in yourself, it is equally important to be educated on the sexual landscape of your queer community. The last thing you want is to finally be okay with yourself and have someone who respects you only to get an infection or an STD.
Condoms are the most obvious preventative measure you can take, but condoms are not only for sexual interactions with men. Girls, when you do not feel comfortable with a woman’s raw hand going to your forbidden places, remember that condoms can be put on fingers to create a barrier between the two of you.
You can also get dental dams, i.e. the condom of the mouth. Dental dams are thin, flexible sheets of latex or polyurethane which can be used as a barrier for any kind of oral contact with any private areas. They can help prevent the transmission of STIs such as herpes, gonorrhoea or HIV.
Otherwise, sex toys are a great way to have fun and stay protected while doing the deed. Condoms can also be placed on sex toys if they are being used with multiple partners. But of course, the most important thing to remember is to clean them immediately after use.
And above all else, get tested regularly. Consult with professional health practitioners about testing and available preventative measures like available vaccines. The Student Health Services is also a great resource available to students, as they can assist you and answer any questions you might have about ensuring that your sexual health is maintained. Their offices can be found on Ring Road, next to Thuto.
- Be safe.
South Africa, as a country, is LGBTQIA+ friendly. The constitution protects your rights as a queer person. However, this does not mean that you are completely safe. Homophobia is an undeniable reality in South Africa, so whether you are arranging a date or a hookup, you need to put your safety first. Do some research on how safe the apps you use are, and arrange meetings in public places. Share your location with friends and loved ones. Give extensive details to your loved ones about the person you are meeting so that they can easily be identified.
The world of sex and dating can be super fun and exciting, but it is so easy to get swept up in all the madness and drama that is the queer community. Remember that your comfort and safety has to be your priority, but once you have checked all your boxes, go out into the world and enjoy your sexy era!