National Coming Out Day was celebrated by the LGBTQ+ community on 11 October across the globe, yet many people have not yet reached a point in their lives where they feel comfortable and safe enough to come out. The stress relating to coming out can have a negative impact on students, whether it be psychologically, socially or academically.
“Coming out is not a one-time thing”, Clara van Niekerk, chairperson of #UP&Out told PDBY, as more people need to be aware of the fact that it is “something you will have to learn to do for the rest of your life”.
Zama Mtshali, the incoming Transformation and Student Success SRC member said that the biggest problem with helping students who are struggling with their sexuality and coming out, is the fact that they are not easily identifiable, and are often too scared to come out or even reach out. This makes it even more difficult to ensure that these students get the support they need.
How this affects students
Mtshali understands that students who are dealing with stress about coming out, can feel overwhelmed. “Sexuality can be a very big factor in why students are feeling depressed.”
Dr Linda Blokland, acting HOD of the Student Counselling unit, told PDBY that stress relating to coming out is a “fairly common issue amongst students”. When students come to university they face an immense spike in their workload and the stress of their sexuality, as well as the process of coming out, can take its toll. “It can cause a lot of anxiety; a lot of stress and it can also cause depression”, says Dr Blokland. She also added that the stress “does not just come with the ‘coming out’, the coming out is a punctuation [of] the problem.”
Interestingly, Pierre Brouard, deputy director of the Centre for Sexualities, AIDS and Gender (CSA&G) told PDBY that “coming out isn’t traumatic or difficult for everyone and some people cope well or more easily than others.” He continued to describe coming out as “a very personal journey.” In general, students handle stress differently, this also translates to the stress of coming out. According to Brouard, this type of stress can have a negative impact on a student’s mental health and academics. “Depending on levels of inner turmoil or outer rejection (let’s say by family, friends or faith) a student in this situation could go into a depression, struggle to focus on studies, or act out in ways which affect their studies (such as drinking more, staying out late or lacking focus).” Lenka Malatji, one of the committee members of the ManDown project, provided insight into another sub-topic of this discussion saying that “young men are afraid to come out due to toxic masculinity, because they won’t be regarded as ‘manly’.”
How can the university help?
Mtshali believes that facilities need to be more inclusive of students from the LGBTQ+ community. She mentioned that gender-neutral bathrooms would be a productive way to begin. “We need to create an environment that makes them feel more welcome and more accepted and that is where it all starts.” It is important to note that the university and the SRC, however intertwined they may be, are still two separate bodies. When asked about how the SRC can better represent the LGBTQ+ community in the future, Mtshali said that it would be a big step to dedicate a portfolio to a representative of the LGBTQ+ community. “Very often these matters are handled by me, as transformation, but we are not so savvy or informed about these matters, because we are not LGBTQ+”.
When you become the image of your own imagination, it’s the most powerful thing you could ever do. – RuPaul
The Student Counselling unit, consisting of 17 psychologists are actively trying to “break that stigma and break that barrier that everybody, and not just students, have about going for counselling”, Dr Blokland told PDBY. The CSA&G also offers counselling to students when necessary. Brouard continued by saying that the CSA&G
would link these students with societies like #UP&Out and give them any other resources they might need. Brouard mentioned the student social justice project – Just Leaders. Students who volunteer for this project are trained and after training “the volunteers are encouraged to take on advocacy and awareness work, including exploring ways to make UP more inclusive of those with marginalised identities, including LGBTQ+ people.” Brouard concluded by telling PDBY that the CSA&G, when necessary, “might do work with departments who grapple with students who are coming out.”
#UP&Out can be perceived by some as a haven for many students who form part of
the LGBTQ+ community and the society has grown tremendously through the years, with over 300 members in 2019. This is especially helpful to first years who are exposed to a completely new environment. Van Niekerk encouraged students to come to #UP&Out’s support group meetings. They also host many events during the year, with Pride week being the main event. ManDown is a special project from the Office of the Director under the Department of Student Affairs that aims to start the conversation about male mental health and sexuality. Malatji told PDBY that students are often “not aware that these services exist to help them, not to isolate them”.
Mtshali believes that things are changing for the better on campus, even though it might take some time. He noted that, “there are not enough support systems in place currently, but the university has come a long way”.
How can the students help?
“Student engagement is where we start” said Mtshali when asked how she would use her year on the SRC to transform the university environment and the general attitude towards the LGBTQ+ community. “If you only speak to someone once, it is not engaging”. When it comes to creating an environment at the university that is inclusive to everyone Dr Blokland believes that “it can be quite subtle – becoming patronizing and being over-inclusive – as opposed to just accepting [students from the LGBTQ+ community] and including them as much as you would anyone else.” Inclusivity is a key aspect in making progress.
Brouard believes that everyone has a role to play. He “think[s] that rather than seeing LGBTQ+ students as a separate category of ‘otherness’, it’s useful to think about how we all have a contribution to make in bringing about a lecture/study environment which is friendly, respectful and inclusive, whether we are dealing with a fellow student who is lesbian, gay, trans, foreign, living with a disability or just ‘different’. He ended off by saying that “recognizing the privilege that comes from being heterosexual is useful; heterosexual people generally have advantages and social acceptance without having to work too hard for it”.
Students’ opinions
At one of the support groups sessions that #UP&Out offers, the discussion was centered around the difficulties members of the LGBTQ+ community face in their daily lives. Matthew Stevens, a second year BSc Computer Science student, said that it is “very easy to feel antagonized in certain environments on campus”. Danielle Ross, a first year BMus Music student agreed with this statement, as she felt that the environment in her faculty was more welcoming to LGBTQ+ students. Ross also said that, for certain students, “university is an escape from the toxic times you can face at home”, which reiterates the importance of there being safe and inclusive spaces on UP campuses. Ryan Naamdhew, a second year BSc Environmental Science student, explained that some students do not want to talk about their sexuality as “it is a personal thing”. Chantelle Müller, a second year BSc Human Genetics student, spoke about how coming out can affect your relationship with family members – especially for students who come from conservative families. Michaela Liesching, second year BSc Triple Major student, reinforced this idea as the question “are you sure you are not going to fall in love with a man one day?”, is one of the first things that comes to mind when she thinks about her coming out experiences. Michaela equally believes that people’s mentality about being queer needs to change.
The process of coming out is a very personal journey that can be imbued with stress for some. It is important that both the university and students alike strive to ensure that there is a more supportive and accepting environment for their LGBTQ+ peers.
Photo: Darec Hall