For decades, many women in relationships with other women have shied away from referring to themselves as “lesbians” due to the negative connotations the word holds as represented in pop culture. However, with the latest upsurge in queer music, or “gay anthems”, new representation could change the word “lesbian” for the better.
Lesbian relationships are often sexualised in pop culture to such an extent that they are seen as “dirty” and “perverted”. Lesbian characters are either exited from television series by some terrible death, or if they are even lucky enough to be in a relationship, there is never a happy ending for them. These characters are handled from a distance and seen as taboo. Much of this has to do with the fact that when men write or produce lesbian media, there is a tendency to over-sexualise the women represented. Along with this, lesbian relationships are often viewed as a fetish, an abstract fantasy that precludes the element of respect. Studies have shown that heterosexual men exploit lesbian pornography the most, contributing to this lack of respect and fetishisation. Lesbians also played a large role in the Second Wave of feminism, leading them to be viewed as bra-burning antagonists. Women striving for equality are obviously gunning for society’s downfall, right? This is a real fear for many heterosexual cisgender men. So, when lesbians do make an occasional star appearance, the film or series is usually set in some far-gone century and their relationship is short-lived and explicitly sexual.
Take Ammonite (2020) for example. Set in the 1840s, and written and directed by Francis Lee who is, you guessed it, a man. It stars Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan as two women who become romantically involved. For the first half of the film, no more than two sentences are uttered. The minds behind this film felt that two sentences are more than enough to warrant a steamy kiss. The rest of the film is just explicit sex. Of course, Ronan’s character leaves to be with her husband and Winslet’s is left alone. This is just one example of the film industry’s feeble attempt at queer representation. No wonder society views lesbianism as it does. But fear not, it is not all doom and gloom. Hope is on the horizon.
With drums rolling, queer artists have entered the entertainment industry with a bang, bringing new light to what being in a female same-sex relationship means. With Billie Eilish’s Hit Me Hard and Soft album and Chappell Roan’s single “Good luck, Babe!”, a new life has been given to lesbian representation. Their music has uncovered a rabbit hole of lesbian love songs.
A pioneer lesbian artist is country singer and producer Brandi Carlile. Those devoted to Grey’s Anatomy will know her as the producer of Callie’s heart-wrenching love song. “The Story” was belted out by actress Sara Ramirez after her near-fatal car accident as she fights to survive. Even the out-of-body drama turned musical is a more realistic representation than Kate Winslet snogging Saoirse Ronan. Carlile’s lyrics are poignantly romantic. She sings about needing nothing else in the world other than the woman she loves. All she wants is to share her life with her soulmate, the good and the bad. Her song “Party of One” is raw and emotional. It describes a relationship that is on the brink of failure, and the singer’s longing to make things right. She sings, “Oh, I am tired but I’m coming home ‘cause I am yours… ”. Now that is the type of representation that could give any woman struggling through the heaviness of loving another woman in a misinformed society the hope that she needs.
Carlile’s songs embody an emotional, genuine and hard-fought love. With the fetishisation of lesbian relationships comes the idea that lesbians are “female predators”. They flood Pornhub, so they must be overly sexually active, lustful and possessive. However, Carlile’s music debunks these ideas. Her lyrics show how much she values her partner, and their love is something out of a Nicholas Sparks novel, a love worth fighting for and deeply emotional. What Carlile does with her love songs, which one can assume are written to her wife of 12 years, is to show the genuine thought and care that solidifies her love. News flash – lesbians have been proven to be human with an astounding ability to love.
A younger singer-songwriter making waves is Marielle Kraft. Kraft’s music is not as widely streamed; however, once discovered, her tracks are worthy to play on repeat. Her songs are indie-pop love songs, representing her past and current relationships, her life story in sweet melodies. “I Kissed a Boy” is a heartbreaking account of what it took for her to realise that she was a lesbian. She sings about arguing with her heart, as she thought she was wrong for not feeling anything towards boys. Eventually, a decade later, she kissed a girl and everything made sense. Two sweet love songs of hers include “10x Better” and “Ahead of Myself”. The first continues her journey in realising that she has fallen in love with a woman and how much better this love story is for her, and the latter is the perfect slow song for a date night. Kraft states that she would do anything for the woman she loves as long as she is with her. It sounds something like that love-struck teenage dream everyone desires.
Kraft’s music gives lesbian relationships acceptance and recognition. It displays women loving women as completely normal and filled with the same desires of heterosexual relationships. She shows how human lesbianism really is. With the representation of lesbian relationships in film, the relationship is always falling apart or is strictly physical with no in-between. What Kraft shows is that lesbian relationships have an emotional side. Her feelings and desires are in tune with her partner, as she wants to do what would make her girlfriend happy. Parallel to this, she fears that her partner may find love elsewhere. Kraft highlights the ups and downs in any relationship – the honeymoon phase, the hard work, and the insecurities. It is not just a drawn-out one-night stand or a dramatic end. Her music shows that lesbian relationships require just as much communication, commitment, and understanding as any other.
Carlile and Kraft are quite subtle about the nuances that make a lesbian relationship. One could even say that they themselves are not quite there yet when it comes to using the L-word, or just feel it is not necessary to explicitly label their relationships. Their music shows a sweetness, but, it does not get into the nitty gritty that makes society’s hair stand up – independent women reclaiming their sexuality. Cue Billie Eilish, Girl in Red, and Chappel Roan. Those names tease a much steamier Part Two of “The L-Word Decoded”.
