It was the way you smiled, the way your eyes met mine, the way your touch
calmed me and how you became home. Your constant in my chaos, the softness
of your touch. The dedication, the promises, the sweet nothings that were
whispered and truths spoken with shaking breaths. The nerves, butterflies,
soundtracks to our emotions that set us alight and turned us to ash. The dance
lessons, whispers in my ear, to feel you, the music and not the eyes of others.
The late-night conversations, good morning calls, midnight safety nets created
by sleep filled limbs.
The falling without caution, pulled down by the certainty of forever.
Your eyes following her around the room, body leaning towards her. Her hesitation,
her withdrawal from a crowd pulled you to her, my fake happiness to be
okay. My certainty that you wanted me – it was your history, habits that were
showing. Convinced it was me, and not her.
Cold tiled floors replaced the safety nets your exhausted limbs created, as those
limbs replaced her cold tiled floors.
Still convinced.
Crying, hurting and waiting for you to realize my pain, while you kissed away
hers. Still convinced. Struggling to breathe from pain, while you struggle to
breathe from pleasure. It was over when we set alight, we just burnt out and realized
too late. Convinced you loved me, convinced you don’t. War between my
heart and mind as I fight to find a reason to still hold on, but hope is the only
reason, not reason enough.
There is no blame, none on her and none on you. All on me. My hope that I was
wrong.
Poetry submitted by UP students to PDBY. You can submit your poetry to editor@pdby.co.za if you would like to be featured in the PDBY Poetry Corner.
Illustration: Adivhaho Maphwanya
Poetry Corner features poems and writings submitted by UP students to PDBY. Submissions are not edited and do not reflect the views or positions of PDBY or its staff members. All submissions remain the responsibility of the respective authors.