Step four
Ignore your study timetable for two weeks. Because “Monday: study literary theory” actually means, “Monday: watch as many episodes of Parks and Recreation as possible. It’s okay. You’re not wasting time. According to your nifty study timetable, you have plenty of time left to study.

Step five
Wake up at 03:00 in the morning in a cold sweat after an exam nightmare and realise that your timetable isn’t so nifty after all. Do quick calculations and realise that you should have started studying at the beginning of the semester.

Step six
Cry. A lot. (Step five isn’t pretty.)

Step seven
Accept the fact that your life is over for the next while. Embrace sleep deprivation, stock up on Red Bull, and memorise the number of the closest restaurant or fast food outlet that delivers. Delete Twitter so that you won’t be distracted.

Step eight
Reinstall Twitter. Who were you kidding?

Step nine
Start studying. It’s pretty much the logical thing to do by now.

Step ten
Start to feel confident about the amount of time you’re spending studying. So confident, actually, that you start to get bored and decide that you need a study playlist to motivate you. Spend an entire study session making this playlist.

Step eleven
Curse yourself for making a study playlist. Instead of remembering the narrative voice in Mrs Dalloway, all you can remember are One Direction lyrics.

Step twelve
Panic because it’s the night before the exam. Yell at yourself for not having studied sooner. Stress eat (this is even less pretty than step five). Drink so much Red Bull in an effort to prepare yourself for an all-nighter that you start to see sounds.

Step thirteen
Survive the exam. Realise that it wasn’t that bad. Promise yourself that you will plan better next time so that you don’t stress so much.

Step fourteen
Laugh, because you know that’s not going to happen.

Good luck for exams.

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