I considered just writing down random words and then using Google to translate it into some obscure Eastern European dialect, or maybe Elvish or Klingon or Gobbledegook for this editorial. Sometimes, you just run out of things to say. I considered telling you all about my broken heart, à la Adele, but my personal life isn’t nearly as interesting as all that, really. Plus, I’ve never found writing an appropriate cure for emotional trauma. Vodka is the only cure. Wow, I sound really healthy, don’t I? So instead, I’ll tell you all about why I hate Vodacom. A few months ago my BlackBerry decided it no longer liked being charged. I tried two chargers and two USB cables, but no luck. So I took it into Vodacom where the fairly snotty girl behind the counter took my phone away into some back room, came back and told me my battery needed replacing. She had put her own battery in my phone, and it had charged, she told me. So I bought one. For R600. R600 which I just had lying around of course, what with me having a fancy job and salary and stuff. But then, lo and behold, my phone still wouldn’t charge. I took my old battery, the one that apparently needed replacing, put it in a friend’s phone, and to my amazement, it started charging. The problem obviously lay with the phone, not the battery. This after the snotty girl told me my battery needed replacing. Lies! So I took it back but they refused to refund me. The battery had been taken out of its packaging they said. A battery they had sold me under false pretences and which they themselves took out of the packaging and put in the phone for me. I lost it a little bit and unleashed a few profanities, and they eventually decided maybe it would be best to give me my money back. As he handed me my money the branch manager told me that maybe next time I should think before I take things out of packaging. Fool. Then, I gave my broken phone in for repairs, only to find out that they “cannot fix your phone”. They can’t tell me why they can’t fix my phone. They simply can’t, and please could I pay them an assessment fee for essentially doing nothing but telling me they can’t fix my phone? So I have to buy a new one, which is what I expect they wanted. Now my question is this: If I end my contract with Vodacom, do I have to pay a penalty? Because, seriously, they have the worst service I’ve ever come across. Well, maybe not ever. But certainly recently. Fools. Okay, rant over. It’s certainly been an interesting week. We won the Varsity Cup (go, go us) and then Chantelle Stockel shot herself, accidentally or on purpose (it’s still unclear at the time of writing) on campus, which raised all kinds of exciting questions about how safe campus was. Personally I think campus is perfectly safe. Our security department really are quite good at their jobs, most of the time, and to assume that this is going to suddenly mean a spike in gun related violence or to say you no longer feel safe on campus is somewhat alarmist. Nevertheless, it is unnerving when you realise that getting a gun onto campus is quite easy. I am not sure how much campus security can realistically do about that, though. Are they suddenly going to start searching us all? I doubt that. And I don’t think they should have to. Also, did I mention Vodacom were fools? Beyers

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