How do you even pull someone? A question that plainly means how do you, as a mediocre person, manage to kiss someone else, especially on the front lines of today where expectations run high and your skills, well, not as much. Soldiers, welcome back to Survival Skills 101.
Kisses are present in nearly every affectionate relationship. They are found between partners, parents, grandparents, and even friends. The French greet each other with kisses on the cheek, c’est bisous. Jesus’s disciples would kiss his feet out of worship. Pet owners kiss their dogs, birds, and cats. With such a practice being so habitual in our lives, we would assume that you lot would know how to do it. Ehh, wrong! Cue today’s training: smooching.
Since making out is such a touchy subject (pun intended), us army cadets who participate considerably in it deserve more than the generic advice of “be patient”, “be gentle”, or “use your hands”.
The first thing about kissing is that eye movement is very important. The best thing to do is to look into their eyes, then look at their lips, and go back to their eyes, and smile. The simple triangle method. Tango down, threat neutralised. Eye contact is the first step towards acknowledging someone. It comes before any words, feelings, and impressions. It makes you feel present. Copy that.
A second tip for increasing intimacy is the shoulder lean. Nothing comes close to the first time someone lays their tired head on your shoulder. You feel trusted and loved, and you become protective over that person. Weapons down, vulnerabilities up! An automatic move to warm up to a person is to make them feel trusted. So do not be shy to rest your puny head on their shoulder, everyone.
Thirdly, you are not a pair of parallel lines. You do not need to be the next N1 collision. Tilt your head, be an earthquake. Become tectonic plates converging into each other, moving in relation to one another. Glide, slide, and ride… into the sunset.
Fourthly, a good reminder is that you are human, you do need oxygen. Do not suffocate at the hands of pulling – breathe, and make sure that you are fully oxygenated before you continue. On the subject of suffocating, do not devour your partner with your tongue. You are not eating them, you are materialising your affection, but maybe a little choke would not hurt. Emphasis on the little.
Fifthly, although we hold and wave our country’s flag high with patriotic pride, you are not a flag pole. Do not stand as stiff as a pipe. Let your hands move respectfully through their hair, rest on their neck, or even on their waist. Subscribe to our premium training course for more…
The sixth tip is to remind yourself that the most important part of the kiss is not the actual kiss. It is the few seconds before that build up with tension and intensified desire. Anticipation, everyone. Always, always, always count three seconds to pause right before you kiss. 1, 2, 3, and then fall in!
The seventh rule: respect the borders. Those are the boundaries of your partner. Troops, we do not invade. Remember the three seas. Not the Mediterranean, Black, or Caribbean, but rather courtesy, consent, and communication.
Remember, kissing is not a tainted form of affection, but it is one of the few pleasures in life. Our mission is to strike down the stigma around kissing. It is not a catalyst for sex. It is a stand-alone practice. Good luck on the battlefield. If you have any further queries or you need any practice, my door is always open. Move out!
