You have heard it a couple of times, whether from your social media feed, from your best friend who has had her heart broken an awful number of times, or perhaps you have experienced it first-hand. Love bombing is what everyone is talking about. When asked if “love bombing” was a new concept, student Zosiba Dlamini answered, “No, the act of love bombing has been a thing. We just gave it a term.”
While the phrase has exploded in popularity among young people recently, the term and the psychological tactics have been evident for a long time. Love bombing is a form of emotional manipulation in which a person “bombs” another person with excessive affection at an early stage of a relationship. “But what’s wrong with excessive affection?” is one of the posing questions that challenge this psychological and social phenomenon. Many argue that “love at first sight” is an existing experience that defends excessive intensity. Some even argue that love should feel as intense as the love portrayed in a Matthew McConaughey romcom. Or even worse – the one displayed by both Romeo and Juliet, sentenced to death for a love that only lasted from Sunday to Thursday.
Which raises the question: what distinction does sincere intense love have from “you are my soulmate” after two weeks? When asked what love bombing means to students, answers closely echoed “When someone shows excessive interest in every sphere of your life […] too early.” Khaya Magangane explains, “It’s like being seen until it’s not. There’s a heavy shift after you give access.” Zosiba agreed with this, explaining that it felt like a “ticking time bomb,” and that the affection had a “timeline.”
Is it love bombing if the person has genuinely fallen in love a day after meeting you? “Intensity is not the red flag. Intensity without boundaries is,” says Samantha Farmer. Love bombers often create obligations that may threaten personal values while creating a dynamic that makes one feel obligated to reciprocate. They often seek exclusivity too soon and guilt-trip their partners. “Intense love takes time, it’s patient. It doesn’t require two weeks of excessiveness.” Tuks FM’s Legal Lounge host, Leruo Nkome, explains.
Intensity alone does not prove that someone is manipulating you. What matters is a wider pattern. Can you set a boundary? Can you take things at your own pace? Does the person respect your boundaries, or does the affection come with guilt and expectation?
In a span of five days, Nduduzo Ngcobo’s boundaries were starting to feel like makeshift. Her life felt inseparable from that of a man she’d only met four days ago. When asked whether students believed that “love bombing” is intentional, most answered yes, sharing that emotional manipulation wasn’t clueless.
Others argued that they’d sometimes expressed intensity too soon without malicious intent. Research from the eSafety Commissioner entails that intense affection is not inherently bad and that it becomes “love bombing” when there are signs of coercive control. There are often signs of grand declarations, “soulmate” language, future planning within days or weeks, and major life decisions that make you feel like you’re kissing your boundaries away. So slow the pace, if affection comes with guilt and obligation – trust the discomfort and withdraw.
And for the love bombers: don’t carry a bomb wrapped in hearts and a bow; love doesn’t have to race.
Visual: Sesethu
