Picture this: on Valentine’s Day you meet someone special, and Cupid strikes his arrow, igniting the love between you and this person. A couple of weeks later they decide that now is the perfect time to head off to Asia for a pilgrimage to do some much-needed “soul searching”. Many might feel a little disheartened by the sound of this news, but there is no need to worry because the love doctor has stepped into the building.
Is it worth it?
Whether the distance spans from Pretoria and Johannesburg, or even crosses international borders, long-distance relationships are not easy. The seemingly mundane activities that couples in close proximity to one another can enjoy, like spontaneous picnic dates or attending each other’s lectures, cannot be done if they reside in different cities. This can sometimes lead to a sense of disconnect between partners or even resentment if one feels as though they are putting in more effort than their partner.
However, the narrative can be changed because love can surpass borders. In an article published by WOIN, a survey was completed by 78 couples in California and Nairobi. These couples were asked various questions pertaining to their relationships, and more than half of the individuals testified that “long-distance relationships require an unwavering amount of commitment and understanding”. A follow-up interview conducted three years later confirmed that 54 of the couples were still together, with 13 of them maintaining a long-distance union.This indicates that long-distance relationships can thrive with dedication and effort from both partners, cultivating a happy and healthy relationship.
The negatives
Everyone is entitled to their relationship preferences, and the stereotypical person may not actively choose to commit to such a union. There are a number of disadvantages that come along with this type of relationship, such as a lack of physical touch, absence of in-person quality time, and not having an actual shoulder to cry on when needed.
Lovediscovery.org published an article entitled “The power of physical intimacy in relationships” in May of last year. In this article, the author Carolina Pataky mentions that physical touch plays a significant role in building and maintaining trust in relationships. When individuals engage in positive touch, such as hugging, hand-holding, or a gentle pat on the back, it activates the brain’s reward system and strengthens the bond between partners. This brain reward system is the release of a hormone called oxytocin, also known as the bonding hormone. This “touchy-feely” hormone proceeds to stimulate the release of dopamine and serotonin, which reduces stress levels. Individuals in long-distance relationships thus indirectly deprive themselves of this hormone, which may impact the amount of trust they have for one another, as proven by the study.
How to change the narrative
Aside from the disadvantages, long-distance relationships can still thrive. They encourage improved communication between the persons involved and create more opportunities for individual growth and independence. Kaitlyn Goldsmith and E. Sandra Byers, both accredited relationship counselors, also testify that long distance relationships build separation security. This term describes emotionally secure individuals in relationships and can be equated to the opposite of separation anxiety. Below are ten tips to help keep the spark alight:
Communicate as much as you can with your partner, because this is how you feel connected to them.
Engage in activities together even though you are apart.
Remind your partner that you love and appreciate them; reassurance matters.
Focus on the positive aspects of being in a long-distance commitment.
Do not be afraid to voice your jealousy and insecurities due to the long distance.
Prioritise phone and video calls.
Make efforts to visit each other as frequently as possible.
Use couples apps such as Nectar and the relationship card game to enhance your emotional connection with your partner.
Watch a show or a YouTube video together over video call.
Actively participate in your partner’s interests; creating a playlist for them if they love music is a perfect way to show that you are thinking of them.
In the end, love is a beautiful thing, so continue to sendyour special someone those much-needed virtual hugs and kisses.
