‘Tis the season for new beginnings! A new semester, a new mindset, and, possibly, a new relationship. Before embarking on a new journey, it is always advisable to close the doors behind you. Figuring out how to end things with an ex can be tricky, but here is a guide to break-up etiquette.
According to the National Research Foundation, people who have experienced break-ups have a higher post-traumatic stress symptom score than those who have not experienced break-ups. This is not to say that one should be tied to someone forever and fear putting an end to a romantic experience. However, it does mean that the way a break-up is approached can affect how the other party handles it.
One of the first things to do while planning a break-up is figuring out what kind of relationship it is in the first place.
Talking Stage
If you are in a talking stage, the lines could be very blurry. It is possible that you may not know this person very well, or you may have just struggled to make it more than what it is. Whatever the context is, you might have just decided that you do not want the relationship anymore. In this situation, the timeline is your friend. Unless you are a love bomber, no promises of a future should have been made at this point. Verywell Mind offers the best break-up prompt for a situation based around timeline: “This isn’t easy to say, but I don’t think we’re the right fit long-term.” What could be better than someone who clearly cares about their future and wants to avoid potential soul-crushing heartbreak?
Sneaky Link
Urban Dictionary describes a sneaky link as a “sexual or non-sexual experience that nobody knows about”. The discreet nature of this relationship has its advantages and disadvantages. One disadvantage is that it is difficult to tell anyone else about the break-up because nobody knew there was a relationship to begin with. However, the advantage is that nobody knew there was a relationship to begin with! Contrary to popular belief, sneaky links do have rules. One of the most common rules is the shared understanding that both parties are in it for one thing and one thing only. Breaking this dynamic comes down to that one thing – one or both parties no longer want a discreet lover. This makes breaking up ten times easier because there is only one thing to say: “This just isn’t for me anymore.”
Situationship
A situationship is one of the hardest romantic dynamics to describe. With each one holding their own sets of rules and boundaries, it is difficult to think of a universal reason to break up. A good question to ask yourself is, “How much respect has been given to this relationship?” This will help gauge the sensitivity with which you should approach the break-up. The Attachment Project advises that direct communication of how you feel can establish the most certainty and clarity during a break-up. Tell your partner that you are not getting what you would like from the relationship and that you are finally letting go.
Exclusive Relationship
A lot of thought must be put into breaking up with the former “love of your life”. All of the memories shared, the nights spent together, the inner thoughts shared with the one person you felt was wholly yours, and the “I love you’s” poured in are all aspects to consider when drafting your break-up speech. Roots Relational Therapy suggests that breaking up in person shows your soon-to-be ex how much you value them. This might make the process harder, but it is also a way to show your partner your raw emotions and share that final moment of vulnerability. Laying everything on the table and allowing your partner the same courtesy is the best closure you can get out of an exclusive relationship.
Regardless of the length of a relationship, dignity is something one should offer to a person they once liked. Letting go of someone can be difficult for both sides, but there is no reason for the break-up to be made even harder. So take a deep breath, call the person who has overstayed their welcome in your life, and let go.
