MICHAEL BIHL

 A little mischief never hurt anyone, which is why new students should not be afraid to be a bit nosy. The key to surviving as a first year student at Tuks is information, and with the right information a student can get away with just about anything. So here are a few morsels of information to set you on the right track.

There are a surprisingly large amount of unused rooms at Tuks. Keep your eyes open for out-of-the-way doors. Chances are, it’s unlocked and no one goes in there. One such door can be found between the third and fourth floor of the Humanities building. These rooms are great for hiding dead bodies.

If you are new to the university’s library, you will soon find that there is always a long queue for folks who want to print out assignments. Don’t panic. Scout around the other floors – there’s always a hidden-away computer with a printer attached. The same goes for photocopying. There are countless photocopiers hidden in the dark corners of the library. Don’t be afraid to snoop around. Or, if you are feeling very brave, you can casually stroll into the photocopying room on any floor of the HSB and copy notes for free. Act like you own the place and no one will ask any questions.

It is always important, especially in the summer, to stay hydrated. Some of the best places to get a cheap Coke are the theology, the art and the physics buildings. The vending machines there will bless you with copious amounts of soft drink for very little money. Alternatively, you can buy a bottle of Coke on South Campus (across Lynnwood Road) or at Oom Gert’s (across from the agricultural annex), and when you return the bottle you get some money back. To make the Coke slightly cheaper, buy it from South Campus and return the bottle to Oom Gert’s. That should save you a few cents.

These are just a few hints to get you started. There are so many more loopholes waiting for you to discover them. The trick is to be brave. Open the door and step through.

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