Welcome to the wild world of university relationships, where a UP study guide is not the only thing you will be familiarising yourself with. As you embark on this rollercoaster ride of romance, sex, and dating, it is crucial to keep one thing in mind: consent is key. But fear not, for there is a way to navigate this labyrinth of love, laughter, and late-night cramming sessions.
First things first, let us tackle the basics. What exactly is consent? Well, think of it as the golden rule of relationships, the enthusiastic and ongoing agreement between all parties involved. It is about communication, respect , and understanding each other’s boundaries. Remember, a “yes” is only valid if it is freely and soberly given, and it can be withdrawn at any time. So, before you make any moves, make sure you have the green light!
Now, onto the fun part – navigating the murky waters of university romance. Picture this: you are at Zanzou, surrounded by your fellow students, and you lock eyes with someone across the room. Sparks fly, and before you know it, you are deep in conversation, bonding over your shared love of the bacon and avocado bagel from Lucky Bread or Jojo Siwa’s Karma choreography. But hold your horses, Romeo and Juliet. Before you make any grand gestures, make sure to ask yourself: Do I have their consent?
When getting consent, it is better to be safe than sorry. If you are not sure how comfortable someone is engaging with a specific act, you can ask them. Whether it is sex, a kiss or even holding hands, getting consent first is never a bad idea. However, in some cases asking to make a move may feel awkward or uncomfortable. Luckily, there are some ways that you can gauge whether it is a good idea to make a move.
Pay attention to their body language:
If their body language is closed off, it probably is not the right time to try and make your move. This could look like them having their arms crossed, sitting far away from you, making poor eye contact or fidgeting a lot. On the other hand, if the other person is leaning in closer, smiling a lot, making deep and consistent eye contact, or if they are sitting facing your direction with their arms open – this might mean that they will be receptive to your advances.
Time and place:
If you are meeting someone for the first time at 14:00 in a well-lit coffee shop, chances are that going in for a kiss probably will not go over all that well. If you just had an amazing first date in a dimly lit, romantic restaurant in the evening, a goodbye kiss (or “dot dot dot”, as they say in Mamma Mia) could be really fun and well received. The location and time will help you figure out which level of physicality, if any, is appropriate.
Test the waters:
Before going in lips first or trying to initiate a cheeky handhold, test the waters first. Give the other person a hug, lean in towards them, lightly brush their arm or shoulder, or even try holding eye contact for longer than normal to see how they react. Watch their body language and facial expressions to determine whether they are keen. Slowly increase the amount and intensity of physical contact, and chances are it will all feel much more natural. If at any point the other person starts feeling uncomfortable with the contact, scale it back, slow it down or just stop completely. Pay attention to the other person and do not be scared to ask for clarification when you are having trouble reading them.
Consent is also important in the online sphere. When using dating apps or Instagram, have fun and slide into DM’s to your heart’s content. Just be respectful when you do not get a reply (do not reply with “Well you are ugly anyway b*tch!” or anything along those lines) and do not send any unsolicited photos. When it comes to sexting or sending flirty messages, it is best practice to start light and see if their responses are meeting your energy. In general though, it is best to keep things PG-13 when you have not met this person yet.
By prioritising consent, communication, and respect, you will not only navigate the turbulent waters of university romance with ease, but also create a campus culture that celebrates healthy relationships and mutual respect. So, here is to love, laughter, and lots of consent – may your university experience be filled with all three!
I’m Kirsten, a law student who loves writing, making spreadsheets and consuming an unhealthy amount of caffeine.
I love writing about student issues and current events.
