MICHELE DEMPSTER

  1. The good-looking guys in suits are not salesmen. Oh no, ladies, they are Sonop first years. Be careful not to get on their bad side though, Sonop are the proud owners of two very healthy crocodiles.
  2. If you are wearing your res uniform and someone politely asks you to point them in the direction of the Square, do not be fooled. This age-old joke is merely used to emphasise the fact that the square is strictly prohibited to you. Ha ha, very funny, everyone is laughing.
  3. Residences that play together stay together. So do not skip socials. Always dress up. And always get the venue of the social right. It is very awkward arriving at the wrong bar dressed as a pirate. People laugh. Lectures the next day will consist of lame pirate jokes such as “How aaaaarrrggggh you?”
  4. Could that be singing at one in the morning? Either Klaradyn is practising another war cry or Boekenhout is outside your res waiting to serenade you.
  5. If a boy asks you to come up to his res room to see his kettle, say no. Why? Because boys don’t have kettles.
  6. Learn each residence’s symbol. You will not make a good first impression if you ask why Erika has a horse with a stick in its head. It is a unicorn. And Maroela is not flashing a potato for a badge.
  7. Stealing a jottir is a recognised Tuks sport, well almost. Jottirs are the white and green hats worn by Madalief first years. Snatch the jottir off their head and attempt to run away with it as fast as possible. It is more fun than it sounds, promise.
  8. “Sleep” is a term used when you’re res and another res walk to a venue together in the spirit of making friends. If you are English you will think dirty things and giggle non-stop when your HK says “we will now sleep with Taaibos.” It gets you every time. 
  9. First-year syndrome is real. A warning sign is when you have swiped your student card so many times at the canteen that you can no longer see your picture on it.
  10. Keeping up to date with your laundry is essential. Going commando is not as comfortable as everyone says it is. Remember to separate your darks from your lights and do not try to use sunlight liquid … you will smell like a dishwasher the whole day.
  11. Do not be stingy when your roommate asks for milk, karma comes in the form of waking up with no eyebrows. 
  12. Make friends with your squeeza (cleaning lady). When someone forgets to change the toilet roll she will be your hero.
  13. In your first week you will meet every dean of every faculty and everyone of anything ever, or at least that is how it will feel. Try to keep up.
  14. Kollege makes the craziest, strongest punch. Your first social with them may be a blur. Just remember not to sit on their rocks in your drunken state. It will end badly for you.
  15. This is the first and last time you will hear about Huis Hippokrates. Huis who? Exactly.
  16. Do not forget to book meals. Your choices usually consist of chicken, chicken or … chicken.
  17. Mascots get the hardest time. This duty often entails being kidnapped or having a random senior pounce on you in an attempt to be funny. “Good one bro” will normally follow this act of stupidity.
  18. Keep up to date with all the res scandal by reading Pssst… in Perdeby. But be careful, Pssst… is everywhere …
  19. If you are late for curfew don’t sleep in your car. You will wake up feeling like your stomach is going to fall out your butt due to the 90º angle you slept in.
  20. You will “vou blommetjies” forever in the week before Rag. I would advise you  to wear gloves. You may feel really stupid at the time but at least the chicken mesh won’t cut into your fingers.